if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
