So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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