I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
