I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
