i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
