apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
