it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How does one acquire holy water?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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