Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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