you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
