Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
