I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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