were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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