woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
