no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
