Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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