try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
