Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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