I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were trust falling into bushes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
