so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
