Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
