I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
