Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
