Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
