hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
