Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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