Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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