piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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