I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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