I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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