The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
