we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We are two peas in an std pod
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
