This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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