no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
