I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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