sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
