Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
