You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
