I want to walk on stilts...naked
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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