I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
