i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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