I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
