I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
