yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
