mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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