my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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