did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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