sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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