Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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