He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
