The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
