I faked an abortion last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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