I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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