i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
