he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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