And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
