apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
