Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
