hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
