are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
