so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
