Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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