dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
