It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
