The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
