Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
