Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
