Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
