This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
