Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
