I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
