I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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