if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
