I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
