dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
