the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
