Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
