my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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