You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
