Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
