I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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