Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
