i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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