So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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